“From Outside, In” is a honest discourse about language’s relationship with identity. Mellix tells the story of her evolution from child to full-fledged academic through literal excerpts of her past writing. During her youth, she became privy to a distinct dichotomy of language in her culture, which she defined as “black English” and “standard English”. She recalls an experience visiting relatives where she observed her parents operate under the unspoken prerequisite of using “standard English”. She describes her parents as “looking small and anxious during those occasions.” Because, as she would go on to reveal later, “The language was not ours, it was something from outside us, something we used for special occasions.” Mellix’ concern about this idea is reiterated during her recollection of her first college class. She wished only to belong, and to understand, but was left with similar feelings as her younger self. She said, “My concern was to sound as if I belonged in a college classroom. But I felt separate from the language – as if it did not and count not belong to me.”
This piece is also a statement on the relationship between language and power. It was disheartening to learn her language caused her feelings on inferiority. She understood her father’s success was somewhat contingent upon his ability to use “standard English”. Furthermore, she understood that if she was to make in an academia, she was going to have to overhaul her understanding of language, and somewhat, part of her identity. The reshaping of her identity caused her feelings of imbalance. In her last paragraph, she says, “To recover balance I had to take on the language of the academy. The language of “others”. And to do that, I had to learn to imagine myself a part of the culture of that language.”
I found this publication to be very worthwhile, it’s a fantastic insight for those who didn’t experience this problem growing up. Personally, I make small shifts in the content of my speech depending on the individual, and these become more obvious in group settings. However, the idea of reorienting my language to the degree she spoke of is foreign to me. This article raised several questions, and ideas for further thought…. How does language infer identity? Can you infer identity from language? Do I lose myself if I assimilate to “their” language? Or is thinking of it as “their” language a deeper issue? How can we measure quality of language when it’s not objective?