While reading Mellix’s From Outside, In, I couldn’t help but notice the irony in it. Throughout the whole piece, Mellix was explaining the frustration that she felt when trying to learn “standard English.” However, that article was extremely well written; there was no trace of the lack of understanding of “standard English” that she explained in the article.
Mellix talks about many of the issues she felt towards learning standard English when she grew up understanding, and speaking in, what she refers to as, “black English.” One of the main issues that she addressed multiple times in her writing, is that she felt that she had to adjust her language depending on the situation that she was in. She explains that she would use standard English when she was in the presence of “other” people. She uses the term “other” frequently in this article. What she means when she refers to “others” are “‘proper’ blacks, transplanted relatives and one-time friends who came home from the city for weddings, funerals, and vacations. And the whites.” Referring to the people who spoke standard English as “other” seemed very isolating to me. It seemed like she was purposely separating herself from the “others”. Maybe this was a way for her to understand the two languages better. There seemed to be a divide to those who spoke black English and those who spoke standard English. The only way to cross this divide was to learn standard English. Although it doesn’t seem fair to deem one vernacular more correct than another.
I was particularly interested in Mellix’s struggle in learning how to write in standard English. It’s not a simple as translating one to another; things (and feelings) weren’t being represented correctly. She often felt that she was at war with herself. There was a part of her that wanted to advance further in society by learning how to write in standard English, but there was the other part of her that felt like she was betraying the side of her that identified with black English. “It was the voice of my desire to prosper, but at the same time it spoke of what I had to relinquish and could not regain.”
Language can be a big part of our personality. I’ve heard of cases where bilingual people tend to have different personalities depending on which language they are speaking. It seems like Mallix is experiencing a similar situation. She felt less confident when she was speaking in standard English, and saw a similar feeling reflected in her parents whenever they went out and were in the presence of “other” people. Growing up speaking black English has prevented her from feeling free to express herself creatively through writing in standard English. Even when she showed improvement in her writing, she still expressed how it felt forced. I wonder if she feels the same way about this article? Will she forever be critical over her ability to express herself in standard English?
E367: Writing and Diversity 