When reading Solnit’s piece, I couldn’t help but feel some sort of childhood connection with the argument she was making. Her point in that some, not all, men have a distinct way in which they talk to women is one that I have noticed from an early age, but only recently hear essays and articles about.
I grew up in an immediate family of my two brothers and I, and an extended family of majority male cousins, both older and younger than me. I have always been spoken to by family and friends as the “little girl” of the family, even now that I am 21 years old. While I understand that some family members speak to me in this way because I am one of the only girls, I’ve noticed how this can carry over into how they converse with me on educated and opinionated topics. This viewpoint on me solely because I am a female has led male family members, my dad and older uncles in particular, to view my thoughts on certain topics as incorrect or lead them to feel as though I do not know what I’m talking about. While there are many topics that I do need educating on, I have mainly noticed their need to stop me and explain is largely when it comes to my opinions. As a way to keep peace, I do not speak out about how this form of speech impacts my decision to add to family discussions or the fact that I then feel my opinions are incorrect.
“Men explain things to me, and other women, whether or not they know what they’re talking about. Some men.”
I instantly connected to this quote and thought of my dad and how many of our important conversations went. Whether it be about topics from school, worldly issues, how to best budget my money while in college, or any other conflicting views, his side was always explained to me and my side was deemed incorrect. While this can also be blamed on the age gap and my dad’s need to share his wisdom from experience, he explains his viewpoints differently to me than he would to my brothers. The tone is much more childlike and gentle, but in a way that feels like that is the only way I will understand what he is trying to say. Rather than stating his side and having a conversation, he backs up his claim and explains why mine is wrong. With peers of my age group or slightly older, both men and women, I have never experienced this sort of conversation. I would not imagine telling my own father or peers of my age that their opinion or mindset on an issue is wrong and these are the reasons why.
I understand that in my dad’s eyes I will always be his “little girl”, however I think there comes a time where you can keep this viewpoint and also understand that I am capable of making my own informed decisions, without needing to have the logic behind it being explained. I’d prefer to have conversations where we can both have our opinions, share them with each other, and not have one side be right or wrong, as he does with many other people.
P.S. love my dad he’s a great guy
E367: Writing and Diversity 