In Rodriguez’s “The Achievement of Desire: Personal Reflections on Learning ‘Basics,’” Rodriguez highlights the struggle of balancing an academic career with his home life. When he throws himself into his studies at an early age, he quickly notices the implications that it has on his home life. This struggle is especially reflected in his relationship with his parents. He mentions that whenever his parents would ask him about what he learned at school, he would keep his answers short and vague, not wanting to share too much. He would read often, which caused him to engage less with his family, staying in his room, so he wouldn’t be distracted by the sounds of his home. He mentions that he felt his parents “were always behind” him. His parents gave him and his siblings the means to succeed academically, however, it also caused them to distance themselves from each other. Rodriguez’s interest in academics didn’t only affect him, but it also his parents as well.
There’s no denying the sense of pride that Rodriguez’s parents feel towards his academic success’s, however, Rodriquez mentions that they began to become dismissive of his intelligence. Whenever there was an argument in the house, his parents would defend their statements by simply saying “It’s what we were taught in our time to believe,” which immediately ended the discussion. Even though Rodriguez has had more academic success than his parents, they are still his parents and still have authority over him, which makes it easy for them to discount his statements.
Rodriguez has conflicting emotions when it comes to his academics. He feels a draw towards learning that seems to overpower the guilt that he also feels. This guilt coming from the separation he notices between himself and his home life. He feels like he is responsible for this change that has occurred in his home.
“I kept so much, so often to myself. Sad. Guilty for the excitement of coming upon new ideas, new possibilities. Eager. Fascinated. I hoarded the pleasures of learning. Alone for hours. Enthralled. Afraid. Quiet (the house noisy), I rarely looked away from my books – or back on my memories.”
Rodriguez, 243
Even though his schooling caused him to distance himself from his home life, he also became appreciative of it later on. His studies gave him the knowledge to look back on his childhood and try and recover what he lost.
“I needed to understand how far I had moved from my past – to determine how fast I would be able to recover something of it once again.”
Rodriguez, 254
I feel like many of us can relate to the fear of coming home with a report card to show to our parents, scared that they aren’t going to be pleased with the results. Maybe the few times they weren’t, it caused tension in the house, with maybe a grounding or two to follow. Rodriguez has a whole different take on it, which I never really considered before. He was scared to succeed rather as well as fail. Rodriguez was a good student (although he highlights he was really only good at mimicking, instead of forming his own ideas), and he felt like he had to hide this from his parents. If he shared his successes with his parents, he felt like they wouldn’t understand, but when he keeps his thoughts to himself, he’s separating himself from his parents.
Trying to relate to Rodriguez, I can think of one example. I remember when I entered high school, the only thing that I knew about politics was what I heard about from my parents. However, the more educated I became, I began to form my own opinions, which opposed the views of my parents. I remember expressing some of my views and immediately being shut down. It felt similar to when Rodriguez would try to have a discussion with his parents, who wouldn’t really listen to his side of things. I learned to stop bringing up my own thoughts whenever the conversation turned to politics. I learned to keep quiet because I knew I would upset my parents if I said anything contradictory. Although this is only a small piece of my home life that has been affected, it seems like Rodriguez is expressing a shift in his own home life which has a much greater magnitude. “In place of the sounds of intimacy which once flowed easily between us, there was the silence.”
E367: Writing and Diversity 