In What Fullness Is, Roxane Gay’s self-application to the disorienting toll of societally influenced weight loss approaches the different ways being overweight in today’s society is accompanied by exclusion and being ostracized. Gay focuses on just how unaccommodating the world is for individuals who don’t fit today’s typical body standards. That pressure along with the pressure of having to appear to be interested in “disciplining” her eating habits emphasizes the problem area which is in the fact that her decision to go forward with weight-reduction surgery was at the pleasure of everyone but herself.
“The truth is that my desire for weight loss has long been about satisfying other people more than myself, finding a way to fit more peacefully into a world that is not at all interested in accommodating a body like mine. “
Gay attributes much of her weight gain to disordered eating that erupted due to an unhealthy relationship with food and the swirling warnings of others who insist she needs to lose weight. These suggestive words came from sources as familiar as her father to some as distant as passersby aware of nothing more than Gay’s physical appearance. The comfort a stranger must feel to insult and belittle Gay for her weight is perpetuated by fat-phobic culture that due to ignorance relies on the notion that fatness alone makes an individual medically unfit. Not only is this inaccurate, there are several downfalls within diet culture. Restricting your body from ingesting the nutrients it requires from certain foods can cause deficiencies, weaken the body’s immune system, and heighten the potential for irregular cell metabolism.
“They told me that this surgery will save my life, and that if I didn’t get the surgery, I wouldn’t live until 40. When I turned 40, they told me that if I didn’t get the surgery, I wouldn’t live until 50.”
Gay reveals in her interview with Trevor Noah that her relationship with food became irregular as a result of attempting to cope with trauma. Having normalized these eating habits and treating food like armor, her body became unfamiliar with anything else which triggered dramatic reactions such as extreme coldness when she ate less or intermittently. What the average person couldn’t and wouldn’t realize simply from laying their eyes on her is the comfortability Gay feels in her body when there is no worry of external interferences. Gay emphasizes in both the interview and essay how it is practically impossible to be happy with or in a fat body amidst constant reminders that one is not meant to “fit” in certain spaces.
“I am, however, sometimes fine with my body. I am fine with my curves, the solidity of me. I am strong and tall. I enjoy the way I take up space, that I have presence.”
Behind the incessant implications that she needed to undergo weight reduction surgery was even more hindrance. Waiting periods, food logs, expensive psyche evaluations and other financial burdens are all part of what the average overweight person would have to endure to receive weight reduction surgery. Although a portion of these were omitted thanks to Gay being financially well-off, she acknowledges that these simply reinforce the restricting “ills of capitalism.”
Gay also adheres to the concept of the mind body connection potentially hindering the “success” of weight loss surgery. This inclusion is imperative to any conversation rooted in the matter of eating disorders. The lack of mental control felt by the individual is often ignored in regard to people who overeat. Even in those individuals that have total control, discarding of hundreds of pounds of body-fat does not take place overnight.
“I had to accept that I could change my fat body faster than this culture will change how it views, treats, and accommodates fat bodies.”
With consideration of someone who has an eating disorder that entails overeating, in many cases the part of their body that should indicate to their brain that they are full is not doing it’s job. This impairment alongside the mental and emotional impact of feeling like an outsider is more than most people with eating disorders can mentally handle. The unburdening Gay felt upon making the decision to go through with the weight reduction surgery is only worth anything because of the way the world made her feel prior to it.
E367: Writing and Diversity 